Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
