WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
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Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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