she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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