I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
there is puke in my bra ... again
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