I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
