Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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