tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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