Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
