I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Buhtt sex?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
