I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
