how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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