I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
