party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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