you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You can't special order awesome
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
