I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
