why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
