So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
