Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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