the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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