I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
