so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
