he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
