lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
