Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
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I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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