At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
