Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's shark week go big or go home
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
