I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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