need another drink. this is the easiest way
you would pick up someone in the library
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
