She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
