Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Drunk is a universal language darling
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
