Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
