Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
