And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She bit a glass in half.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
