omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
