I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
