man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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