Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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