i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
