Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
