yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
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He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
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Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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