Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
