fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dick very happy bro
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
