If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
