The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
