The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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