I wish I could punch you in the face.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
