I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
