I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
