i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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