You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
