I queefed so loud it echoed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
