Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
