do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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