This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't deserve a penis
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
