3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
