sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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