SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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