Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
