Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
