I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
