i think my mom watched the whole time
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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