i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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