After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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