So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
