We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
