i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
