She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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