you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
