mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
