I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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