i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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