as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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